we're giving this a try

welcome to subjunctive!

i’ve never particularly been a grammar nerd so don’t let the title fool you into thinking that’s the case.

so with that in mind i think it’s entirely appropriate that i have selected the title based on the “vibes” of its definition rather than any specific technical correctness.

i started this piece by writing a “why are you writing this” section but it’s quite long so i’ve put it at the end.

music i recently heard and liked

a really beautiful, pulsing black metal album featuring a string quartet and wagner tuba+french horn alongside the metal rhythm section.

when i was first intentionally exploring and discovering my own taste in metal, i was really obsessed with the extremes - the dramatic dynamic shifts, the drum sounds that were impossibly huge, the extraordinary vocal techniques. that sort of attitude and fascination is very evident on a hopeful planet, the panderim ep i wrote in 2021 and put out in ‘23.

this album has some big moments for sure, but its’ subtlety, clarity and “nearness” of sound is arresting and moving in its own way. the string quartet doesn’t sound extremely overdubbed beyond its actual size, and the drum sounds don’t feel extremely processed yet still feel present, close. they feel like this even when given a light coating of reverb and a heavy drubbing with compression in the outtro of the second track.

anyway i love how evocative this album feels from start to finish, even if you can’t understand a single word the vocalist screams.

the final track “an endless ocean of wildflowers” is such a cathartic yet measured conclusion. that praise doesn’t sound like your traditional accolades for a black metal record but i guess this isn’t a traditional black metal record (thank goodness ahahaha).

what i’m up to

my mission for the past year and a half has been to re-construct my approach to work and creativity. i might talk about this more in detail in a future post - but it’s been a pretty intense process of making sense of the techniques i used to use to “motivate” myself to work, and coming up with new, kinder ways to approach my life and art.

trying to actually apply these strategies without slipping into the old thought patterns is another thing entirely - it’s a battle i still lose more often than i win. but i can honestly say that i’m satisfied with this progress, however slow it may feel. that in itself is massive I think.

i’m currently working on several artistic projects including but not limited to:

• finishing the (collaborative) composition of the new panderim ep

• producing a dance music ep with a dear friend (details coming soon!)

• Helping out with sound design & composition on an audio-only game(!!)

• playing live shows with YMI (guitar, backing vocals) and My Giddy Aunt (trumpet, mandolin, guitar, backing vocals, tambourine??)

• mixing two tracks/improvisations i recorded with Translucid last year for release on an album.

i’ve also got some things on the backburner that i really want to get around to really soon:

• mixing a recording of “Nebula” my piece for Ellipsis Trio that i was able to do last year with the help and generosity of my dear friend and serial collaborator Anusha Yellapragada

• writing some more chamber music for cello and clarinet (sorry freya and rowan)

why are you writing this newsletter/blog/thing?

I’m here to create an alternative channel for myself to share thoughts and happenings, away from algorithms, ads and the general dumpster fire of “the platforms”.

i’ve wanted to do this for ages, and the advent of “a few of my mates have started doing it” has finally pushed me over the edge.

when i think about how i would want to ideally see updates and information about what my friends and colleagues are up to, this is kind of the ideal format…

if everyone i cared about had a newsletter instead of/alongside posting on social media, i would:

1. be notified by email every time they posted (i would never miss a post just because the algorithm didn’t show it to me)

2. not have to scroll through a bunch of random stuff i didn’t choose to see (endless ads, ragebait, videos on their 13th repost)

3. ultimately not have to engage as much with platforms that are actively making the world a worse place through the immense wealth and power of their owners

i can’t swear off social media and algorithmic content altogether - in this world i don’t really have a choice because people i love and care about are on these platforms and it’s currently the most direct way i can reach them. (cautiously optimistic about bluesky, but i haven’t really engaged with it yet)

so this is me participating in imagining an alternative to the platforms. i love reading about my friends’ escapades and thoughts beamed straight to my beautifully chronological email inbox. (Also someone just messaged me about this and it made me reflect on how wonderful it is to hit the bottom of one of these emails and realise “oh, I can’t scroll any more! what a relief!!)

so subscribe if this sounds like an experiment you’d like to join me in :)

and also no pressure but i’d love to read your thoughts in a similar format if you feel so inclined to write one… it’s pretty accessible to make one of these. this one’s made on beehiiv’s free tier but there are other options such as ghost.

(warning i get real grouchy here… substack is really pissing me off with the whole “becoming twitter by stealth” increasingly algorithmic thing they’re doing. At first it was the place that I was reading all of my long-form-articles-posted-by-normal-people, and i still do read people’s writing there that I really enjoy. but I hate how easy the app makes it to pivot to doomscroll mode… also the “allowing nazis to openly make money on their platform” was the final straw that made me rule it out as a place where I wanted to put my thoughts.)

beehiiv seems a comparatively better software offering but I guess we’ll see if it goes down the technofeudal toilet in due time. fingers crossed!!

okay that’s all!

they probably won’t be this long in the future. i’m going to try and be fortnightly with these, but we’ll see if that schedule sticks.

- djp